Justin here. Being a musician is my primary way to express myself, but I’ve found there are so many more ways to be artistic within the context of music. Musicians are often writers, artists, directors, photographers, actors, stylists. I am exploring other artistic avenues to further my knowledge and creative capabilities. Ultimately, these arts can bring you closer to knowing yourself. Today I want to talk about my experience with gender, fashion, and self-expression. 

I identify as a cis man (gross, I know), and my roundabout journey to that conclusion came through questioning and boundary pushing. Some may know I was married shortly after college, and it didn’t last too long. Divorce happened and I was alone for a while. I tried to embrace the bachelor life, but it took a lot of getting used to. I went to concerts alone, I made new friends by myself, I threw myself into my music. Things were looking up. 

Then March 2020 came along. I was more alone than ever. This loneliness, coupled with a challenging job in healthcare, led me to regular alcohol consumption. I am sober now, but that’s for  another post. We’re here to talk about my self-expression journey today. 

Now that I’m writing this, it’s hard to explain what exactly was going on. I do know that I was in an intense exploratory phase. If you weren’t questioning your gender identity during quarantine, what were you even doing? I know I wanted to foster my feminine side. I feel we all have feminine and masculine energies within us. It’s a shame we put labels on these energies, but here we are.

I started with women’s fashion and kind of jumped in the deep end. I ordered some skirts online just so I could try them on at home and see how I liked them. I remember man-splaining to my therapist what a maxi skirt was. I caught myself and we had a good laugh. Of course she knew what a maxi skirt was. Anyway, I found the skirts fairly comfortable, but I didn’t see myself wearing them outside of the comfort of my own home.

The next step was finding something a little more androgynous. I always liked the look of a long, flowy cardigan, but for that I’d have to try a few on. For that, I had to go to a store. I remember feeling very on edge the first time shopping for myself in the women’s section. After rummaging through the racks, I found one cardigan I liked. I panicked and didn’t try it on, rushed to the register and bought the long, flowy garment. 

Guess what? No one cared that I was in the women’s section. The cashier didn’t give me a weird look. No one scolded me about being in the “wrong” section. That was a growing experience. Anytime I feel discomfort, I spin that into a moment of growth. I was pushing my boundaries and next time it was easier. I found it way easier to shop with a friend. 

All this to say, the women’s sections of stores arguably have better fashion and varieties of style. I’ve found a lot of everyday outfits and stage outfits by broadening my horizons. I continue to shop the whole store when looking for new outfits, as opposed to limiting myself. I’m still a man. I still have masculine and feminine energies within me. I’m still me. I just dress how I like and feel more confident. 

With love,

Justin